Sunday, May 1, 2011

Super Hero Movies That Disappointed Me

With super hero flicks like The Dark Knight, Kick-Ass, Spider-Man 2 and Superman, we have indulged ourselves in good movies based off our favorite comic book characters throughout the years. But every once in a while, a super hero movie with an anticipation skyrocketing into outer space comes along to forever seal the franchise in a tin can and make a fool of the media it was based off of. These films I like to call "super hero flops" and like many people, I have several super hero movies that I think should have been a ton better, but in my book, are just "okay". This is a list of Super Hero Films That Somewhat Disappointed Me and with films like this, the most obvious thing to do to repair the franchise is to reboot it, and that my friends has been done up the wazoo lately, but let us now dive into this pile of regurgitated pea soup and explore the elements and concepts of these movies that not only ticked me off, but a lot of others as well.

Batman and Robin





It's perhaps the biggest turd ever to hit the silver screen, but the biggest problem with the abomination that is Batman and Robin is that it took what we were used to for the past 8 years and mugged it beyond repair. The dark, gritty atmosphere and dark motives of Batman established in Tim Burton's box office hits were replaced with the nuclear, neon, brightly colored, cheesy ball goodness of Joel Schumacher's films. Batman Forever wasn't terrible, I really enjoyed the new comic book like atmosphere and reminiscence to the Adam West TV show, but it was certainly aimed more towards children and was overwhelmingly goofy compared to the darker, more elegant nature displayed in Burton's films, especially with Jim Carrey's ridiculously corny interpretation of the Riddler. It's like a cross between Carrey's performances as Stanley Ipkiss and Ace Ventura.

But Batman and Robin took what made Batman Forever the Superman 3 of the series and duplicated it to the point of insanity. This film is awful, and I am not saying that because of what has already been nitpicked 50 bajillion times by fans , I am saying it's bad because it just never stops being so ridiculous and starts taking itself seriously. Every fight scene in this film is a joke, and rather than being dark and serious, making us show concern for the main characters in peril, it shows fast paced cheesy fighting with nonchalant punches, uncoordinated kicks, extremely horrible blue screen effects, and Batman and Robin ice skating. IT'S BATMAN ON ICE! They minus well have the POWS, BANGS,and BOOMS from the 60s show, which was what Schumacher and the others were obviously shadowing the movie under. Seriously, I was so shocked of how Looney Tunish the movie was, I wouldn't have been surprised if Vincent Price came out as Egghead with his horrible egg puns, or if Batman and Robin went for some Batburgers after fighting Mr. Freeze...with orangeade!

But that's only the syrup on this sloppy mess of a sundae, for there is a whole library of problems and cliches in this movies, I barely iced the cake.

Like Rankin Bass Specials? Stop into Mr. Freeze's layer today for some high flying, over the top, polar bear slippered sing along fun!


Like whiny children who do nothing but complain? Adopt Chris O'Donnell's Robin, because Batman would be liberated of his presence and work alone like Superman!


Tired of those Visa and Mastercards! Get a Bat credit card today, because there is no better way to demolish the overall respect and nature of one of the most beloved super heroes of all time then spending lots of money on batmobiles and hot women!


And let's not forget about Mr Freeze's ice puns!

Stay cool, bird boy! Let's kick some ice! You're not sending me to the cooler! What killed the dinosaurs! The Ice Age! The ice-man comet! The icy cold of space! Alright everyone, chill! Cool party! It's winter forever here in Gotham!


Alright! Let's move on already!

X-Men: The Last Stand





Let me start off by saying that I love the 90s X-Men TV show! There were so many unique and fun characters each with their own powers and abilities, and not to mention dazzling settings and plots in each episode. So when I heard that there was an X-Men movie on the way, I busted through the roof. Finally, I was going to see the fun filled TV show I enjoyed as a kid in a live-action, cutting edge action film. And though the first X-Men film didn't reach all my expectations (they didn't even put Wolverine in his trademark costume), it was still an awesome movie. I enjoyed a lot of the fight scenes and character development throughout the film, as well as some of the references they made to other X-Men characters, proving that even though they are not in the movie, they are still part of the movie's universe and continuity. X2: X-Men United was just as good in my opinion, delivering a lot of hard core fun and action kids will enjoy just as much as adults, as well as bringing more acclaimed X-Men, like Nightcrawler, Colossus and Pyro into the picture, really making X2 a fair and nicely paced sequel that nicely coincides with the comic books and television series we all know and love.

But the disappointment and overall bombshell of the series was yet to come. X-Men: The Last Stand was the film that was going to redefine the series and make the X-Men series the best super-hero film series of all time. It was called by many to be the best of the trilogy and the best action film of the year. With those words, the rest of humanity went to see the film and were expecting the glorified masterpiece the critics and movie reviewers raved about, but have come to realize, by today's point, how flawed and underwhelming this rotten X-Men feast is. This film really knows how to butcher and destroy cherished parts of our childhood and annihilate what made the X-Men franchise great, making the overall climatic events in the last two films totally worthless to the underwhelming and erratic final fight scene in the third film. The films were built up for absolutely nothing.

Everything in this movie was slaughtered. Cyclops, the most prominent fighter and leader of the X-Men, who was shown in his costume and visor on the third movie's promotional material, was killed off nearly 20 minutes into the film. And the event wasn't even built up, it was just him moaning about Jean's death in the last film, he rides his motor cycle to Akali Lake, sees Jean, they kiss, and he dies. The last we see of Cyclops' reign was his iconic visor looming in thin air as Wolverine and Storm arrive at the lake. Talk about killing off the franchise's more favorable trademark. That's like if they had made an Avengers movie where Iron Man was killed off 20 minutes into the film (oh please don't happen!). It's like killing Donald Duck, or Fozzy Bear. It's absolutely ridiculous! And even worse, Cyclops didn't even do much in the last two films anyway. He fights for a few seconds in the first film, gets captured in the second film and does nothing else afterward, and now they ultimately get rid of him. Way to go movie, WAY TO GO!
But the thing that boiled my blood in this film was the way they mercilessly butchered and distributed each iconic X-Men character.

Mystique was also wasted in this film, turned into a human by the cure and pushed aside like dirty underwear only to make a 3 second appearance later in the film. Juggernaut, Charles Xavier's stepbrother who is utterly massive and has biceps the size of an atomic bomb, is reduced to a pro-wrestler like figure with a stupid looking helmet and an accent (Dare I mention Wolverine's accent on the Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends TV show). Rogue, a prominent female protagonist in the comics and 90s TV show is in very few scenes and receives the cure so she can be able to touch people. Didn't get to see her fly or use her powers to the full extent, she just becomes the damsel in distress in the first film, lazily lays aboard the X-Jet throughout most the second movie, and to totally desecrate the character's potential all together, they just say "Screw it" and make her get the cure in the last film. Hey, while your at it, why not make Spider-Man drink the anti-serum that will eliminate his spider powers!
Even Charles Xavier couldn't escape the character butchering plague, as he is also killed off nearly 1 hour into this turd, however, after the end credits, we see some guy lying in bed talking to some girl in Charles Xavier's voice, setting it all up for a sequel that would have been just as crappy as this piece of crap. The only thing I can really say I liked about this movie is that we get a brief glimpse at the Sentinels (the giant mutant hunters well known throughout the comics), which were decapitated by Wolverine as it is revealed to be a Danger Room simulation. BUMMER! as the Riddler would say. I also liked that Bobby Drake aka Iceman got his trademark icy coating during a fight scene with Pyro, but it was all ruined because we just don't see these beloved characters to the supreme. Sure, they all use their powers, but they overall just don't do that much in general throughout this movie.

Beast throws a few punches and jumps around a few times, Kitty Pryde walks through a couple of walls, Colossus turns on his metallic skin and rams into a couple of people, Storm shoots some people with lightning, and Angel just flies off a building to save his father. It's a very underwhelming ending fight scene that doesn't reflect on the events of the previous films whatsoever. Wolverine seems to be the only character they can get right. Thank god X-Men Origins: Wolverine was 1o,000 times better than this garbage.

Overall, X-Men: The Last Stand is the most dry, passionless, flawed movie in the Marvel Movie library. If I were in charge of the X-Men films, I would make it just as epic as the 90s TV show and have all of our beloved X-Men in it, using their trademark abilities and powers, for that my friends is what franchises like X-Men are all about.

Spider-Man 3





Now, to be quite honest, Spider-Man 3 is probably the film I hate the least. Sure, it's the worst out of the Spider-Man trilogy, but it's not at all as bad as the previous films I have reviewed and I really do not have that much to complain about this one rather than the fact that THERE IS TOO MUCH GOING ON IN THIS FILM! It's like they couldn't decide what to put into the film so they just incorporated everything into it, making the overall output confusing and baffling. It wouldn't had been so bad if they didn't have the Sandman or Venom in it, or if the film just focused on Peter's struggle with his best friend, Harry Osborn, who would take his father's place as the new Green Goblin. Cramming too much into a film can have an underwhelming impact on some of the key elements of the film. For example, with all that was going on in the film, Venom, the most highly anticipated villain in the film, was thrown in at the very last minute and killed off quite quickly. Sure, it was great to see him, but it was so quick and once again, a famous comic book character is not brought to his full potential. Venom was a huge monster of a beast with a slobbery mouth and snake long tongue, but in this movie, he is like the black suited Spider-Man with a mouth. Many people did not like this, as did I. Hopefully that Venom spin off they were talking about earlier is in the works and is still being made!

But other than that, it is an okay movie. Some of the parts are just plain out of place and corny (you know exactly what I am talking about) and make Peter Parker look like a dimwitted dufus. But I really liked the character development in this film, especially with Peter Parker, and the internal struggle he faces when coming in contact with the black alien symbiote. I also like the morals of forgiveness in this film, for Peter must forgive the Sandman (Flint Marko) for killing his Uncle Ben, and Harry must come to realize that Peter did not kill his father and forgive Peter for hurting him, this helping him in the film's final climatic fight. It is an interesting movie with a lot of action and excitement, it's just that some elements are a little cheesy and lukewarm and could have been worked on a lot more. There are also some parts in the film that I thought didn't need to be there, but overall, as a whole, Spider-Man 3 was a slight disappointment, but was overall an okay movie that I would take over the mucus covered tripe that is Batman and Robin and X-Men: The Last Stand.

Well, I hope you enjoyed my "rambling" on this critical panned films that have gotten mixed feedback from the critics. Hopefully, you found it entertaining and useful and I hope you can get around to seeing these movies yourself because everyone has a different opinion on things. This is the Comic Droid signing out!

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